THE WEAVER

This is from my Myspace Blog Dated: April 4th, 2008

"THE WEAVER"

My life is but a weaving

Between my Lord and me,

I cannot change the colors

He worketh Steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow

And I in foolish pride

Forget He sees the upper

And I, the underside.

Not til the loom is silent

And the shuttles cease to fly

Shall God unroll the canvas

And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful

In the Weavers skillful hand

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern he has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,

Nothing this truth can dim,

He gives His very best to those

Who leave the choice with HIM!

~1 COR. 13 Chap. 12 verse

I came across this poem a when I was going through my Dad's memory box today.

It's funny how even if someone who has passed on can seem to bring you words of comfort in your time of need.

Every day God and his angels are a part of our life. I believe there are spirit angels and earth angels and they can be anywhere among us.

Maybe I am crazy but I take comfort in the times I need my dad and grandma who have passed still bring me comfort. Such as coming across this poem, or a reminder of him. Everytime I hear a windchime I think of his mom who is with him above and how much I love them.

Even my mom's mom my favorite Grandma who is still alive I believe gives me comfort.

Three weird things happened today...I have had a bad few days and struggling with being angry.

But three things happened to me today..

1 A penny~ Lore has it if you stumble upon a penny a loved one from heaven has dropped it at your feet... "Pennies from Heaven" I found a penny today at my feet as I was asking my dad for strength to forgive someone I was upset with and to let go of my anger. I know pennies are all over the ground every where, but I take comfort in the thought this penny was for me!

2 Today as one of my senior residents supported me today and knew I needed someone to be with me as it was a bad day. We were sitting in my office and talking and then I caught a whiff of my Grandma's perfume (who is still alive) in the room. Both my resident and I had different perfumes on. Maybe I am crazy, lol.

3 I moved my dad's box today, his guest book from his funeral fell out and opened to the above poem.

My angels walked with me today and gave me strength when I felt week, gave me earth angels to hug me and say they are in my corner.

But most of all the poem reminded me...God has a plan. Sometimes not for me to understand. When he is ready I will see what he wants me to of the tapestry of the life he is blessing me with.

Until then I need to love my family, pray for those who are sick and in need. And remember if you put it in God's hands, you will be blessed,someday in someway in some form.

Maybe I am crazy but I believe....

I believe Angels walk among us... they are our friends, our spouses, our family, our children.

There are even angels behind the scenes we will never see.

I read this poem tonight and my anger and fear lifted, for God has a plan... for my family and me!!

Call me crazy but you love me anyway!

Missy Jean

Jeans & Heels

Leave it to little Emma Jean to make me laugh on a stressful day.

Yesterday was her guitar lesson, so per usual after school I ran her guitar up to her classroom. I always just drop it off while Emma is outside with her teacher.

As I was walking away..I hear this little "click, click, click" and her "Mama!!" I turn to see Emma running down the hall and jump into my arms.

It takes a moment to register she is in different clothes and has on her dressup play plastic high heels.

So I ask her why she changed and she told me. So then I put her down and I am looking at this little beautiful girl before me in a tshirt, jeans with holes in both kneed and purple plastic high heels...

I am like Emma...you know those shoes are for playing at home only! Her reply??

She turns sideways, lifts the leg of her jeans a little, gives me that beautiful smile and says quite sweetly....

"But Mama...these shoes look sooo good with these jeans!"

I can see I am going to be spending alot of time in the future checking on what she has changed into after she leaves the house.

Priceless!!

Finding The Pieces

An amazing thing has happened to me....slowly over the last few months.

I lost my father tragically when I was 2 years old. He was murdered as he tried to protect a woman in a domestic violence situation, he was only 25.

Sadly, my entire life..my dad is unknown to me except for photographs of him, us or people I do not know. My mom rarely spoke of him and now I am finding the little I know has been half truths. Why, I don't know and I am not going to ask.

My dad grew up in a wonderful loving Christian home. He had a brother and sisters and loving parents.

My mom kept my contact with his family limited to Christmas and phone calls. I loved my Grandma (his mom) and we lost her to cancer in the late '90's. When we lost her, I lost an opportunity I never knew I had...

I never asked my Grandma to tell me stories of my dad, who he was, what he liked. I was afraid to make her sad. Looking back now, I am sure she would have welcomed the opportunity to talk about him and make him come to life for me.

A few months back through myspace I came to begin talking to my dad's niece by his only brother. We enjoyed chatting, but she said she did not know much of my dad, I would need to talk to my uncle.

Again going back to me being afraid to ask... Finally last week, my cousin sent me a message CALL MY DAD! So I did....

What a wonderful gift that has been given to me!! I told my uncle how sad I have been and how I want to know more about my dad and who he was. I also want to know my family!

My Uncle for the last few days has been blessing me with emails of information of my dad. He still knows friends of my dad. He is helping me to find lost pieces of my life and soul and make me whole. He is giving me the precious gift of bringing my dad to life. Through all this it has been found out, an old friend of his has my dad's personal Bible he used to read. My Uncle is trying to get it to me. Imagine...someday I may read from the same Bible I have seen my dad hold in so many pictures.

My Aunt has also over the last few years blessed me with memories of my dad. My goal is to put them all together in a scrapbook.

I believe my dad is the guardian angel of my family. I believe he is helping bring me back to the family I have needed all these years.

Every memory I hear about my dad makes him real to me.

I have had an emptiness in my heart my entire life and in the last few days through the help of others, I am Finding the Pieces to become whole.

This first blog will probably be short, as it is late.

Our life is always chaotic, but lately the chaos has been the unpleasant kind that leaves my heart and head hurting.

I love being a parent. But I am also learning it is the hardest most rewarding job in the world.

I always thought oh as they get older...life gets easier, I will worry less. Yea Right..I worry more.
Worse I worry more they listen less.

I have the habit of lecturing, advising, preaching, bossing, nagging whatever you want to call it.
I see the older ones struggling and making unwise choices and I am wanting to scream NO IT'S A MISTAKE.

My husband he can somehow keep it internalized and let them make the mistakes and pick up the pieces afterwards. He says we all had to learn on our own.

Ugh...I am so frustrated.

I am working on trying to put my troubles into God's hands. My Grandma reminds me when I am at my breaking point Give It Over To God...

But it is hard..

So I am trying to enjoy the time we have with the 2 younger ones...who have me worrying less.

I am enjoying watching them grow into their own people. Emma is exploring music through learning guitar and writing songs only a 6 year can. This weekend David Ashton starts soccer and I am so excited.

As for everything with the older ones..I am giving that over to God and praying soon it all calms down.